This isn’t one of those posts that leads to a solution or an “ah-ha” moment at the end. It’s not even one that has a happy ending. It questions the truth of self-fulfilling prophecies, and the law of attraction.
My recent session at the psychologist (yeah, one day I will write an article on how worthwhile they truly are), was all about questioning some of my core beliefs. And to my surprise, one of core beliefs, which didn’t come up in the session, but continues to hold true, is that “as I start to make change in any issue, the universe sends something along to test that resolve”. I have to “prove” that I am stronger, healthier, mentally stable, capable, etc. Eg, I am saying no to ice cream, and my daughter pleads with me to go to McDonald’s and buy her and I a McFlurry – how do I say no to that?!
The question that is often asked prior, as I am trying to make sense of my heightened state as a core belief is challenged, is “what’s the worst that can happen?” Eg, what if I am late to an appointment?; what if I say yes to ice cream, when I have decided to say no?; what if I don’t tell my daughter that I love her and the exact time that I will see her next, as I drop her to school of a morning?; what if I don’t answer that phone call? … truly, in my brain, an unrelated, but equally (potentially) tragic/scary event, that’s what! … and that’s where we are at now …
The unrelated event … I opened the Pandora’s box this morning with a realisation about my family, only for me to receive this message from my sister.
Yeah, I get that isn’t the way the world works, but this is the way that my brain works, and I want to share this, because in reading this very long and messed up message from my sister today, I know this became more about her issues, and the psychologist is right – it literally has no power unless I give it the power to affect me.
So, for context, my Father passed away in March, as the patriarch of a toxic family, and names are changed to protect privacy. I will also add a little note that I found funny … my sister signed this email MHFA Accredited … and when you look up details of that, it’s a free course, that anyone can do, that talks about Mental Health, literally making her look like she has got authority on the topic, when in fact, actually has none at all.
~*~
I have spent the last week deliberating over whether or not to send this to you. And tbh, I’m beyond disgusted that I need to, and no doubt Dad would be the same. I have something to say to you all, and since I don’t have everyone’s email addresses, I’m sending to the addresses I do have. TBH, I really don’t care if you pass on the message or not.
Celine – for as long as I can remember, you have always insisted that as the eldest, you were the most responsible. Yet you not only failed Dad, you failed this family in the most spectacular fashion. For decades you have criticised anyone who stole from those less fortunate – and face it, you can’t get much less fortunate than DEAD. Yet here you are, making every excuse to justify your despicable act. There will never ever be justification for what you did. There will never ever be room for forgiveness for what you did. I’ve spent my life defending my actions to you – I got into the Army….apparently it was because ‘they let anyone in now days’; I had the first grandchild….you yelled at me, telling me it was your RIGHT as the eldest child, to have the eldest grandchild, and I was stealing what was rightfully yours; I fell pregnant with my second child….you accused me of ‘stealing’ your thunder because you happened to be pregnant at the same time. And these happened before I was 25…the list goes on, trust me.
You asked me if I thought it was a good idea to be a prostitute – like who asks that sort of question of their younger sister. You asked me if it was ok that you deceive your ex-husband to have a second child because you needed someone to love you unconditionally – how’s that working out for you now?? I began working in healthcare, but apparently I couldn’t possibly know as much as you, despite the list of accreditations I have accrued, because I haven’t been in the industry as long as you…pfft…what a joke! I’m done having you question and criticise me, especially since you clearly can’t get your life on track. No, I’m not perfect, but at no point in my life have I ever walked away from my children and not bothered to contact them for months! It hasn’t always been easy, but I am proud of how hard I fight for my children – and how I’m teaching them there is a better way.
Stacey – I don’t give a flying rats what you choose to be called, just in case you decide to tell me ‘it’s Tracey’ in your contempt-laden voice. For a long time I looked up to you. You appeared to be intelligent and despite a few hiccups, you seemed to have clear life goals. But looking back now, I can see the narcissistic behaviours which led to the demise of both of your marriages, and which will lead to the corruption of the innocent soul that is your daughter. You made the decision recently to exclude me from your life – for what reason, I will probably never know. You have always chosen to draw good honest people into your world, then seek to destroy them with overly controlling behaviours and a lack of love. I’m thankful that I raised Benjamin strong enough to see past your bullshit (yes, he’s told me plenty of your controlling behaviour towards him).
As for recent events, your behaviour at Dad’s funeral, whilst not surprising, was hideous. In every photo my Daughter took of you during that time, you had the ugliest expressions on your face – most filled with contempt and disgust towards those around you. Clearly you were there out of some mis-guided duty as his second-born daughter….he would have been ashamed….you should have just never bothered coming. I pray that one day, your daughter is strong enough to see past your bullshit. Oh, and feel free to send this to a lawyer – there are no threats in this, there is no harassment, there is nothing more than a sister expressing her thoughts and emotions – which is not a crime in Australia.
Shane – Since before you were born, Dad put your needs ahead of everyone else’s, even if it meant other people suffered at your expense. And despite getting every opportunity, you did nothing. You threw hate, contempt and illegal activities at everyone around you – and you didn’t care who you hurt in the process. There was a time when your actions almost resulted in myself and 2 of my children living on the streets. Another time, you stole all the fuel out of my car, despite me needing it to travel with my baby some 400km – because clearly you needed it more than me. You have threatened to kill me and anyone around you who doesn’t agree with you. You use your health issues as excuses for bad behaviour, and you use violence to intimidate and control.
For a short time, I thought you had overcome this. Yet despite having a near-perfect woman at your side, you chose violence as the solution to your problem – and it got you arrested. Then, when I went out of my way, putting my mental health at risk, you chose to abuse me, rather than deal with your concerns like a civilised human being. The list of atrocities you have committed in your life is more than any person I’ve ever met – to know that I’m related brings shame. You don’t have Dad anymore to bail you out. You don’t have Dad protecting you. You don’t have Dad to help you fight your battles. And all of us who were willing, are now done with your violent tendencies – you are on your own.
Melanie – The baby sister. For decades I have defended you. For decades I have helped you. For decades I have gone against the grain to support you finding your feet. I helped you in your darkest hours and your brightest days. I have been the one person, your whole life, who had your back, no matter what. So you can imagine the pain I felt, to have you throw my help back in my face, and treat me with such contempt – behaviour I expected from your siblings. Not you. Out of all the siblings, I expected better from you. I’m truly heartbroken. Don’t let your lack of book-smart intelligence destroy your heart or mind.
To you all – I have removed you all from my social media accounts. At this stage in my life, you do not deserve the honour of watching my children grow into civilised human beings. You do not deserve the honour of being called Aunty or Uncle. My children will never experience the horrible behaviour exhibited by you all. And unless you work out how to fix this chaos – and fix it, my children will never know you.
Dad and I were not always on great terms, but even when I really hated him, there is NO WAY I would have treated him or his memory so despicably. I miss him more than words can describe, and my mental health has taken a nose-dive since his passing – your behaviour added to my despair, which is why I decided to remove the open access once freely granted. You all have my phone number…. I suggest for the foreseeable future, you don’t call. Although, if you do have the overwhelming, uncontrollable urge to contact me, send a text, maybe one day, I’ll reply.
I wish you all whatever the universe believes you deserve.
Your heartbroken sister. MHFA Accredited. (Mental Health First Aider)
~*~
Doing Life Differently 